I am Sorry

I am sorry
I was not going to write you today
but I couldn't leave with you thinking
I was like her with her fears
I needed to let you know
I am a kind soul
I grew up loving all colors
I never feared skin
I drew naked women and men 
Draped with cloth
adorned with still life objects
surrounded by easels
I grew up an artist 
who was taught to draw quickly
in charcoal
Move quickly
Rapidly capture gestures
Rip the paper off
Begin again
Nothing is priceless
No art is perfection
Art is endless motion
Repeated again 
Each time you step to the easel
Each time you wake up
Each time you begin again
For every man
Every day
Every step
Is renewal
Not priceless
Not prized
As I grew up feeling sorry for the way one color treated another,
I tried desperately to rip the ideas of difference from my heart
Love everyone
Say hello to all
Be kind
It sometimes makes people love me too much, because I care
Because I try to love all souls
It makes me close up sometimes because so many people need love, 
And I can not be the one
for every man
I can not hold everyone's hand
I have to hold my own
I as alone as the dark man on the subway
I have no privilege
I have pain in the essence of guilt
The sad, sick feeling of disgust for the state of our country
Nothing is right
Even the music haunts me
Emanating from a music box that's cost continues to burden me
Unlike the records of the past
Grooves that had endless charges
And no extra cost
We offer people exciting means to enjoy life inside a box
When perhaps we need to teach them all
Every man
How to live outside the box
How to survive on a room
Paper and pen
Nature's sound waves
Human voices
I am sorry

Part of a Creative Writing Project: Letters to Geographer 2015-2016

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